Storybook Skeptic Gifts

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

'Cheers dad, how do I plug it in?'

"Well did he?"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Where the wild things were."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

Sleeping Beauty

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'She said she was made out of sugar and spice, so I bit her.'

"If only we had adventures like in this book. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look..." "You may find, fun is always on my mind! Shall we take the weego my amigo?"

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'So then. The handsome p.c. noticed that the tax disc on Cinderella's pumpkin carriage was well out of date.'