Fairy Tale Skeptics Gifts

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Home Sweet Home

Rape of the Lock- The Dream

Odette from Swan Lake

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

And they lived happily ever after for a few years until the quirks they found so cute in each other when they were dating eventually drove them both insane the end.

Little Red Riding Hoodie

'...and a beautiful witch gave me some little red slippers, but I couldn't get them on.'

Red riding hood giving the wolf a complex

Babe in the woods!

Hansel meets his biological mother.

"Gretel, I think we should have left a paper trail instead of breadcrumbs."

"This isn't how the story went at all."

Wonderland School. Principal. As usual, things are chaotic of the first day of school. Goldilocks has already switched desks twice. Some cafeteria equipment is missing. The dish ran away with the spoon. Cinderella was already looking at the lost and found looking for a shoe. And I just heard about a problem with Humpty Dumpty out on the playground. At least Peter Pan looks relaxed. Of course, he's been going to this school for decades.

"I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I'm not ponying up for an afterparty too."

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - The Walrus and Carpenter.

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

'It all goes back to something that happened when you were a frog.'

'What if we form a rap band, called 'Snow White and the Seven Dogg Dwarves''

The Cheshire cat has dentures. Pass it on.

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

'Did she marry the prince for love for for money?'

'Well, if this book doesn't send you to sleep nothing will.'

"The economy is slowing down, last night the tooth fairy left me an iou"

Pinnochio tries internet dating.

'I know I have a name to live by, but I'd rather wear sandals in summer...'