Fairytale Cynics Gifts

'Frankly, Earl, if I had realized that you were a toad instead of a frog, I never would have kissed you!'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

And they lived happily ever after for a few years until the quirks they found so cute in each other when they were dating eventually drove them both insane the end.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"This isn't how the story went at all."

Black Friday

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Social media and privacy

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

No more bribes - today.

Sucking Up to Gen X

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

"I appreciate your offer, but I was really hoping to marry a doctor."

Mail & Political lies.

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

'Forty years is as much 'Happily Ever After' as I can tolerate.'

I Really Don't Care Do U?

Cost of living - 'Thank God we're dead.'