Fairytale Skeptic Gifts

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Rapunzel grew to hate the Prince's visits.

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

"When are we going to live happily ever after?!"

"Forget the glass slipper thing. I've just installed the Tinderella app."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"Well did he?"

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Yes Mr Hare, you were right: He IS on steroids!'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Rapunzcow

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

"And they lived happily ever-after? Well, maybe you should find out who their financial advisor is."

"This isn't how the story went at all."

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

'Come on, dad...why would anyone follow a witch into a gingerbread house? It clearly wasn't built to code.'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

If it were today. . .

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

"Enough with the hard-luck stories about spanking and cursive and appointment television, Dad."

'Forty years is as much 'Happily Ever After' as I can tolerate.'

"I appreciate your offer, but I was really hoping to marry a doctor."

'Typical media bias. First they label the wolf 'the big BAD wolf' then they only give Little Red Riding Hood's point of view.'

Man reading a giant book.

"Sorry mum, but you lost me after 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"Did Robin Hood give to the poor only for the deduction?"

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"Science fiction? Boring! It's always about gravity and blue skies and two-legged aliens. I prefer non-fiction."

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'