Fairytale Critic Gifts

"You kissed me without my consent and woke me up from the best nap ever - and I'm supposed to be grateful?"

'Typical media bias. First they label the wolf 'the big BAD wolf' then they only give Little Red Riding Hood's point of view.'

"I appreciate your offer, but I was really hoping to marry a doctor."

"Did Robin Hood give to the poor only for the deduction?"

'We can stop dreaming of princes who come to marry us. Those princes want virgins... You're a capricorn and I'm a gemini!'

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

If it were today. . .

A Fairytale Update

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

The Frog Prince

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"When are you going to stop blaming everything on Goldilocks?"

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

'Yes Mr Hare, you were right: He IS on steroids!'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

“It’s the only way we can get him to kiss her.”

'Mrs Witch, you're being accused of using a poisoned apple to send a young girl into a death-like sleep. I'm placing you under arrest for the possession of illegal drugs.'

I think you meant to huff 'n' puff at the next house over.

Rapunzcow

Many princes attempted to wake Sleeping Beauty, before one of them simply kissed her'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"Your tea party numbers are way down this month Jerry."

"I never let my hair down on the first date."