Modern Fairytale Admirer Gifts

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

A Fairytale Update

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Home Sweet Home

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

The Frog Prince

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

"Like that?"

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"When are you going to stop blaming everything on Goldilocks?"

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay