Fairytale Aficionado Gifts

"Don't worry, I left a trail of junk bonds to get us back to Wall st."

'Ma'am, I'm afraid the insulation in the walls of your gingerbread house contains dangerously high levels of cholesterol.'

Tortoise & Hare.

"Forget the slipper, find me the owner of this glass bra!"

'Hey, wanna hear something interesting?'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

'Relax lads, it isn't the wolf.'

'We're buying the company, the brand, the building ... but mostly we're buying the golden eggs.'

"So, Mr Van Winkle. What were you saying about our alarm clocks?"

Tin man visits automotive oil change facility.

"I do't think good huffing and puffing can be taught."

Goldilocks, the later years

Humpty Dumpty worried about malpractice lawsuit.

The handsome prince decides Snow White is not his type, and he goes off to check out Sleeping Beauty.

'Three magic beans is pretty expensive for a cow. Are you sure she's the one that jumped over the moon?'

Pinocchio auditions for a boyband.

'So what's the truth about you and the Prince Snow White? Maybe not so White from what we know?'

'Sorry boys, we can't help you...your policy covers beanstalks, wicked old witches and jolly green giants - but not big bad wolves.'

Sleeping Beauty's Wedding

'Wait. Let me just stop you there!'

"Trust me, princess...fairytale endings aren't all they're cracked up to be!"

'Then the little bastards went and made a house out of brick!'

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Lucy was not just a wicked witch...she was like totally wicked!!

'It's from Goldilocks's lawyer. Apparently, she's suing us because she burnt her mouth on the hot porridge.'

'That's right officer, he says his name is Larry Talbot. He says there'll be a full moon tonight and that if you don't lock him up, he'll turn into a wolf and blow my house down!'

"Go figure! I had her picked as a vegan."

'Wow! You really turned from a frog into a prince! That's great, now I've got much longer legs to eat!'

'We've come a long way since that afternoon you kissed me in the swamp.'

"Not, the Rapunzel?"

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"It's okay. But, it isn't as good as my pad in Kensington."

"He gets that from his father's side of the family."

"Oh, come on! It's been twenty years! If you're telling me, Snow White's still the fairest in the land she must have one hell of a cosmetic surgeon!"

"Remember that little girl Goldilocks that hassled us about the porridge? She's now a big food critic on the internet!"