Fairytale Aficionado Gifts

"Don't worry, I left a trail of junk bonds to get us back to Wall st."

'Ma'am, I'm afraid the insulation in the walls of your gingerbread house contains dangerously high levels of cholesterol.'

Tortoise & Hare.

"Forget the slipper, find me the owner of this glass bra!"

'Hey, wanna hear something interesting?'

'Relax lads, it isn't the wolf.'

'We're buying the company, the brand, the building ... but mostly we're buying the golden eggs.'

"So, Mr Van Winkle. What were you saying about our alarm clocks?"

Tin man visits automotive oil change facility.

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

"I do't think good huffing and puffing can be taught."

Birthday Greetings from the Big Bad Wolf.

Medieval suitor climbs on vine that turns out to be poison ivy.

The handsome prince decides Snow White is not his type, and he goes off to check out Sleeping Beauty.

Pinocchio auditions for a boyband.

'Three magic beans is pretty expensive for a cow. Are you sure she's the one that jumped over the moon?'

Goldilocks, the later years

Humpty Dumpty worried about malpractice lawsuit.

'Sorry boys, we can't help you...your policy covers beanstalks, wicked old witches and jolly green giants - but not big bad wolves.'

"What happened to Jack's property value with that giant friggin' beanstalk right in the middle of it?"

"Hello Tasty-Cake-Mix company, are you still paying a finders fee?"

Sleeping Beauty's Wedding

"I'm afraid we're too late. What if we donate his body to my high protein diet?"

"Your test results are back Mr Wallis. The reason you've shrunk and developed pointy ears is you have a Phero-gnome imbalance."

'Wait. Let me just stop you there!'

"Trust me, princess...fairytale endings aren't all they're cracked up to be!"

'Then the little bastards went and made a house out of brick!'

'So what's the truth about you and the Prince Snow White? Maybe not so White from what we know?'

Lucy was not just a wicked witch...she was like totally wicked!!

'It's from Goldilocks's lawyer. Apparently, she's suing us because she burnt her mouth on the hot porridge.'

'That's right officer, he says his name is Larry Talbot. He says there'll be a full moon tonight and that if you don't lock him up, he'll turn into a wolf and blow my house down!'

"Go figure! I had her picked as a vegan."

'Wow! You really turned from a frog into a prince! That's great, now I've got much longer legs to eat!'

'We've come a long way since that afternoon you kissed me in the swamp.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."