Fairy Tale Enthusiast Gifts

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

"Did the three pigs have enough insurance to rebuild their home?"

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself, while both Hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

'What, no on-board movie?'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

"So what happens if we can't meet our monthly mortgage repayments?"

'Sorry boys... your policy covers Beanstalks, Wicked Old Witches and Jolly Green Giants... but not Big Bad Wolves!'

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

"Don't waste your breath. We'll get them when the housing market collapses."

'I'm afraid your house insurance didn't cover a wolf blowing it down.'

'So we're all agreed on this final design?'

'Your policy does cover wind damage, but not from huffing and puffing.'

"In my opinion, the flimsy construction of their homes indicates the pigs' desire to be eaten."

'... and they got a divorce and, due to a good prenup, they lived happily ever after.'

Crucial testimony in the case of Cinderella vs. the Association of Fairy Godmothers.

"Eventually, I'd like to see you able to put yourself back together."

The Goldilocks Flower Emporium has bouquets labeled Too Much Commitment, Too Little Commitment, and Just Right.

'So, did you use compost or chemical fertilizers?'

Three little pigs-mortgage.

Goldilocks drives an audio tech insane.

"'Marry me,' said the prince. 'Oh, yes,' said the princess. All through the kingdom the people rejoiced. Stocks rallied. It would be good for the economy."

'Make it seven beans and you got yourself a deal.'

'Money from the tooth fairy may seem like a sure bet, but it's not a good long term investment strategy.'

"She says she's got squatters rights."

"My, Grandma, what crushing debt you have."

"Could you come back tomorrow Luv. I'm having a bad hair day"

At the Goldilocks Air Conditioning Emporium units are labeled: 'Too Big,' 'Too Small,' and 'Just Right.'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'You're going to have to cut out this huffing and puffing nonsense...'

'I couldn't resolve the conflict with the giant, so I severed the channels.'

"Once upon a time there was a thing called social security..."

"Who's the fairest? Thanks to Magic Mirror Sunscreen, now anyone can be."

"Global warming - the sky is falling!"

"What can I tell you.. Maybe she has a beter surgeon than you.."