Fairy Tale Fan Gifts

'Let me guess, you're 'Sneezy'.'

'I'm arresting you for bringing the Emperor into disrepute.'

"I'm not huffing and puffing. I'm foreclosing."

The princess and the pea.

'Your policy does cover wind damage, but not from huffing and puffing.'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'The roof needs icing.'

'Thanks anyway, but I'm more interested in the goose that laid the golden egg.'

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

You can also follow me on social media websites.

"Hey, it's not a race."

The Dying Art of Storytelling

"Thank goodness you're a witch, we thought we'd stumbled on a social worker."

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

"We like you, Hatcher, and we like your work, but we've been offered magic beans."

Alas, Hansel and Gretel had left a digital trail...

'At The Goldilocks Hardware Emporium' Nuts and bolts that say 'Too Big,' 'Too Small,' and 'Just Right.'

"And, because a princess can't be forced to testify against her prince, they lived happily ever after."

'Outside of athlete's foot, ingrown toenails,fallen arches and bunions, I've never felt better.'

'Something in brick.'

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

Love those shoes!

"...And Grandma Bear's porridge contained too many laxatives."

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

Three little piggies have brick house swept away

'Snow White is the fairest of them all...But hey, you've got the biggest tits!'

'In time with us, not as fast as you bloody can!'

"Just look at the Emperors new clothes!"

Witch sells poisoned apples at intermission of 'Snow White the Seven Dwarves',

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'This is my forth time through the line - she can't tell us apart.'

The Emperor's New Laptop

"Let's get Junkie—he'll know what to do!"

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Ready, Harold? You're the wicked troll and I'm the garden fairy, and you're very angry because you don't want me passing over your bridge on my way to Grandma's house!"