Modern Fairytale Lover Gifts

'Bread crumbs? Didn't Hansel and Gretel have GPS on their phones?'

Someone ate your porridge and broke a chair? Check the feed from the bedroom cam.

"I suppose every girl dreams of someday getting a big divorce settlement."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

Ask A Silly Question.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Sleeping Beauty.

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Snow White and her Seven people.