Stock Slump Sleuth Gifts

Burnt Turkey

Mario Draghi

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Why markets crash.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The United States' economy deflating.

Tesla Shares Tanking Into Swastika

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"The people who were running the economy last year... are running the economy this year."

...Shares can go up as well as down.

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

Finance piracy

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?