Wall Street Skeptic Gifts

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Stock market investment advice

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'