Wall Street Skeptic Gifts

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Stock market investment advice

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

With-it Woman

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'