Stock Market Worrier Gifts

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

"I'm worried about US jobs - especially mine."

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

I hate monday mornings.

Chinese stock market

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Government economists called it a 'slight market correction'.'

Falling graphs.

"I was sent on a fact finding mission. Now I'm accused of insider trading!"

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

Bad news, boss. The rat race is out of cheese!

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'You're confused? We like that in a sucker...Er...I mean, investor.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

'In economic news, stocks and interest rates declined, but the decimal point stayed steady.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

"We'll be home soon - there's the Pound in Free Fall."

'Here's the confirmation now, Mrs. Davis: You paid 14.4960937 per share. Kind of makes you homesick for eights and quarters, doesn't it?'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."