Stock Market Worrier Gifts

"I'm worried about US jobs - especially mine."

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

I hate monday mornings.

Chinese stock market

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I was sent on a fact finding mission. Now I'm accused of insider trading!"

Falling graphs.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'Government economists called it a 'slight market correction'.'

Bad news, boss. The rat race is out of cheese!

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'You're confused? We like that in a sucker...Er...I mean, investor.'

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'In economic news, stocks and interest rates declined, but the decimal point stayed steady.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Here's the confirmation now, Mrs. Davis: You paid 14.4960937 per share. Kind of makes you homesick for eights and quarters, doesn't it?'

"With rain in nearly every forecast, probably because of global warming, you know what's coming...so officially, we are now News & Sports at Six."

"The answer is space. I'm sending my kids to space."