Market Volatility Worrier Gifts

'You treated me for Dow 13,000 phobia on the way up. Now it's hitting 13,000 again on the way down!'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

The Circle.

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

Stock Market Bear.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Energy Bills

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'Be happy you're not in the Mexican-bottled-water pit.'

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

Credit Crunch.

The gold price chart.

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

'Level with me, Doc. How bad is it? What's it going to cost?'

Worried about the future? We have worst-case-scenario funds!

"This was supposed to be the last session, but I think that I need to come abother couple of times to treat this sense of guilt for all the money I have wasted on you."