Market Volatility Worrier Pillows

'You treated me for Dow 13,000 phobia on the way up. Now it's hitting 13,000 again on the way down!'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

'Making a profit was a lot easier before so many countries abandoned socialism and started competing!'

"This one is very popular one. Ben Bernanke repeating over and over, 'the economy is going to be okay'."

The Circle.

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

Energy Bills

Stock Market Bear.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

Credit Crunch.

The gold price chart.

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

'Be happy you're not in the Mexican-bottled-water pit.'

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

'Level with me, Doc. How bad is it? What's it going to cost?'

Worried about the future? We have worst-case-scenario funds!