Starting A Health Journey Gifts

'Your last annual check up was eleven years ago.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

Healthy Ultimatum

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Be Healthy

"OK...starting tomorrow, I start photographing smaller portions of food."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

Men's Health Screenings.

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Scales

Attack of the 'health' foods

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Nevermore.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'