New Health Journey Gifts

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Be Healthy

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Dieting Motivation.

Men's Health Screenings.

"Keep goin', Harry. No pain, no gain!"

Scales

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'Nevermore.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

Exercising in Confinement