Health Improvement Journey Gifts

Men's Health Screenings.

'To show support for Daddy's low cholesterol diet, we'll all be eating porridge for breakfast.'

Doctor's advice.

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

I'm giving you a prescription for hard-to-remove stop smoking patches. Place one over the opening of every pack of cigarettes you buy.

Packey Bar.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

"You've changed."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"What does she have that I don't?"

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Scales

How can we improve our health?

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'Nevermore.'