Health Journey Starter Gifts

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Men's Health Screenings.

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

Scales

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'Nevermore.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

Exercising in Confinement

Woman and scales.

"Is it working?"

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'