Stand-up Lover Gifts

The young Don Rickles

Zombie stand up

Well he was good - he really blew the roof off the place!

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic

'A priest, a Rabbi and a minister walk into a barn...'

The First Hecklers

Stand-up Romcom

TV jester.

Applause

The only time cats are known to laugh.

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

"Here's a request from someone who'd like to hear something in tune for a change. Oh, we have a comedian out there, I see."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'We had to donwsize.'

Chekov play and scorecard,

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

Chris O'Dowd

'I'm looking for an assistant who can keep me in mind of how well I'm doing.'