Stand-up Aficionado Gifts

Awkward Moments In The Insect World

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

The City Center Presents: An evening with Grandpa Warren.

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? What, seriously? You mean you haven't installed personal security cameras?"

How comedians get their kids to sleep.

"Wasn't she brilliant, I counted 27 F words and 11 C words. Genius!"

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

"The King's jester! Big deal? Try being the King's financial adviser sometime!"

Jon Stewart

Comedy Club Plant

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Comedy Corner.

'There were long delays on the M4 this week after a pig trailer overturned.' - 'The police arrived on the scene quickly.' - 'Observers wryly noted that there were 'Pigs running all over the road.''

'Bearnaise sauce again,' he cried. 'I can't bear the thought of it!'

Jack Black

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

'As the actor said to the female bishop.'

Stand Up Vacuums

Comedy Clubs of the Wild West

'Don't worry -- that's just George Carlin.'

'No, not that one, too Woody Allen...'

"I've been in show business so long I used to make jokes about the end of the world before there was an end to the world!"

Stage Fright

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"