Stand-up Comedy Aficionados Gifts

Welcome to Divided Airlines. We have an announcement. We know many of you have grown accustomed to us periodically misplacing your baggage. But we can do better. We can raise the bar. In the future, we plan on a random basis to open your luggage, take out carious pieces of your clothing and personal items, and accidentally displace them at different airports. You will then be allowed to spend money with us to fly to the airport to retrieve your belongings. We hope you enjoy our heightened effort

Woody Allen

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"His first out-of-body experience."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Dog Walking Services

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Skiing.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

The Rooster Comedian.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"