Stand-up Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

Lecture on dealing with hecklers-tongues sharpened while you wait.

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"They said I couldn't do comedy but look - I'm killin' them."

"Yes, fully sold out: who would have thought there was such a public interest..."

Comedy Club: LOL instead of laughter

"What did the plankton say to the whale? I can't believe you're baleen on me!...Get it? Baleen?....Whoa! Tough crowd."

"My name is Fred, and I have [cursing] Tourette's syndrome....."

Stephen Harper tells a joke.

Stand Up Bush

David Letterman

'I still say Hillary could beat Michelle in a fair fight... Hillary knows Chicago tricks AND Arkansas tricks!:'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'He put himself through med school doing stand-up.'

Chicken comedians.

Dry Blood Humor

Asparagus Hecklers

Alan Carr.

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"The parrot last week told the same joke."

Stand-up Romcom

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

They hated me.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Zombie standup

Police Feline Unit

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."