Stand-up Comedy Enthusiast T-Shirts

Lecture on dealing with hecklers-tongues sharpened while you wait.

"They said I couldn't do comedy but look - I'm killin' them."

"Yes, fully sold out: who would have thought there was such a public interest..."

Comedy Club: LOL instead of laughter

"What did the plankton say to the whale? I can't believe you're baleen on me!...Get it? Baleen?....Whoa! Tough crowd."

"My name is Fred, and I have [cursing] Tourette's syndrome....."

Stephen Harper tells a joke.

Stand Up Bush

'I still say Hillary could beat Michelle in a fair fight... Hillary knows Chicago tricks AND Arkansas tricks!:'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'He put himself through med school doing stand-up.'

Chicken comedians.

Dry Blood Humor

Asparagus Hecklers

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"The parrot last week told the same joke."

Stand-up Romcom

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

They hated me.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Zombie standup

Police Feline Unit

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."