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"I thought you'd be funnier."

"There's not a large audience for your type of ethnic humor. After all, how many Peruvian-Greeks are there?"

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Bob's Comedy Career Never Quite Got Off the Ground.

When air travellers do stand up.

Rob Brydon

"Hi, I'm Mike and my 20 year old marriage to Debby has been a sham, I'm currently having an affair with David who works behind the bar."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Skiing.

Dog Walking Services

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'He has your nose and my ears.'