Standup Comedy Fan Gifts

One woman show

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Zombie standup

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Why do they do that?"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Skiing.

Dog Walking Services

Intelligent people laugh too!

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Bad fake tan day.

Giraffe Umbrella

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."