Standup Aficionado Gifts

'Prior to serving as a network political policy analyst...our next speaker was a standup comic.'

The comedy club

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Easter Island legs

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Cat box"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

Dog Walking Services

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

The Fourth Little Pig

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Skiing.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."