Stand-up Junkie Gifts

Billy Connelly.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

Stand-up Romcom

The only time cats are known to laugh.

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Am I sensing fear?"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"Mail's here."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Stephen Fry

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

Nick Offerman

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Optometrist Humor

Stand Up Bush