Stand-up Comedy Junkie Gifts

"Sorry kid, potty humor has a place, but not in this agency."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Snowprov

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The Rooster Comedian.

Stand-up Romcom

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

The only time cats are known to laugh.

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Am I sensing fear?"

"Mail's here."

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'