Stand-up Dude Gifts

Never Ask A Man To Change The Baby.

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Snowprov

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Stand-up Romcom

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"Am I sensing fear?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Jim Carrey,

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'