Stand-up Gifts

'You call that a comedy routine? Seriously, it was laughable!'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'That's what I call a first class delivery!'

Billy Connolly

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

Bob the comedy elephant,thanked the hyenas for being a wonderful audience.

Putting down hecklers

Easter Island Comedy Night.

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

Jimmy Carr

'OK, hit cancel if you've computed this one...'

Comedy 101

'Personally, I think PC humour's gone too far.'

"My wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years, so we went to a therapist. He said have sex every day. Now I haven't seen my wife in 3 years."

'I just ascended and boy are my arms tired.'

Snowprov

Boomer Humor

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

"Hi, I'm Mike and my 20 year old marriage to Debby has been a sham, I'm currently having an affair with David who works behind the bar."

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Stand Up Chameleon

"Boy, that performance stunk!"

Stand-Up Comedy for Bankers

"Wasn't she brilliant, I counted 27 F words and 11 C words. Genius!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Fish Shtick

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

"A funny (non offensive) thing happened to me on the way over here..."

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

Breakthrough by a comic

"Sadly you don't get a wit by putting two halfwits together!"

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"We heard you were dying in here."