Stand-up Comedian Gifts

They hated me.

'That's what I call a first class delivery!'

Changing of the Seasons.

Chicken: the one-man show

Toyota executive does stand-up comedy: 'We got a solution to those sticking gas pedals - a Chevy!'

'Why do they always pick on me...?'

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

Comedy course highlights fake nose

The Blind Exhibitionist

'They say, 'Blood is thicker than water.' That's certainly true in my family...my relatives are as thick as hell.'

Steve Jobs on the comedy circuit.

Phill Jupitus

John Bishop

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

You were hilarious! Pretend to be modest! That'll impress em even more...

STAND-UP GUY, 'Obama says he'll show us all how to get along better, and maybe he will.... Tragedies DO bring people closer together!'

"A funny (non offensive) thing happened to me on the way over here..."

Woody Allen

"...But am I a cartoonist because I can't make it as a stand up?"

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

Grim Reaper Checkout

"Just humour him."

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"What an audience of good grinners you are. Or is it my scintillating wit, or your wishing-not-to-offend politeness?"

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

"My wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years, so we went to a therapist. He said have sex every day. Now I haven't seen my wife in 3 years."

Snowprov

"I'm dating a stand-up comedian...!"

"Anyone In from Chernobyl?"

"Have you noticed nowadays how often comedians resort to cussing to get a laugh? A******s."

Comedy Rule

"My husband wanted me to get a boob job, so I became a stand-up comedian."

Tragedy and Material

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Plato The Standup