Standup Comic Gifts

Standup comic doing pro-bono work in isolated rural area

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Snowprov

The Rooster Comedian.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Stand-up Romcom

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Am I sensing fear?"

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"