Standup Comedy Gifts

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Snowprov

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Stand-up Romcom

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Am I sensing fear?"

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"