Standup Comedy Gifts

Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: "The Difference Between Us." You're all half a century younger than me

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

Snowprov

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

The Rooster Comedian.

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Stand-up Romcom

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

"Am I sensing fear?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

Jim Carrey,

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'