Sprint Skeptic Gifts

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"What would I have to do to be sent to my room without just the Brussels sprouts?"

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"These numbers are great! How did you folks turn our manufacturing division around so quickly?"

"The shipping industry has a name for the bold type of corporate restructuring we're about to undertake..."

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

'The new business plan is the same as the old business plan except that, due to layoffs, we have less scapegoats to blame in case of failure.'

The Sponsored Skier

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

"Let's just sit tight till the cultural amnesia sets in."

"You called this strategy session for THAT?"

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

"'New and Improved' is overdone. Let's try 'Old and Used Up'."

"And I'm sure everyone here remembers the day last month when that big wind shift turned our scorched-earth marketing strategy against us."

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'Who wants another slice of Brussel Sprout...?'