Running Skeptic Gifts

Defeatist Marathon.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Open House of Horrors

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'Gathering dust isn't dangerous in itself, but it's a sign of lack of exercise.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

'Can I have a refund if she puts the weight back on.'

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

Maude's yoga classes were beginning to pay off.

''Buy low, sell high' is not considered an aerobic activity.'

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'Well at least we got him off the sofa.'

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"Exercise?...What you need is more napping!"

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'