Sporty Youngster Gifts

'I don't mind being sent off Sir - but not during the warm-up!'

Ping Pong

Football Fans

"I AM at my usual position."

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Table tennis.

The Giamatti era

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

Multisports

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

A boy with a football

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Futsal

Olympics create interest in curling.

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

Scraper Biking, Manhattan, Spring, '95

"They've been playing Big Brother again"

Boy spinning basketball on finger next to dog spinning ball on wagging tail.

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

A Young Indoor Cyclist

"I have goals in life. Just last week I scored three goals!"

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

'With school, sports and music lessons, I don't get to spend much quality time with my gerbil.'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

"How do you know I got this dirt on me. Maybe I'm biodegrading."