Sports Spectating Gifts

"Auxiliary warning track"

Will the gentleman wearing the hat please stop crunching his crisps

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

"I'm a foul weather fan."

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Church for sports worshipers.

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"I AM at my usual position."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

350 Feet.

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Putting Practice.

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

Beer Order

Vendor selling testosterone.

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'