Sports Loyalist Gifts

Reality Football

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

'My feet are killing me.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Go team!

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Mixed Doubles.

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Cricket Accidents.

Ball as water-melon.

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Hockey Season.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'