Club Loyalist Gifts

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

"I won an award from my club! I'm the only member who doesn't owe membership dues."

Arsene Wenger's piggy bank and Andre Villas Boas.

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Kenny Dalglish

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

When Someone Says Biden Sucks, You Are Supposed to Have a Good Answer

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

Trent Alexander-Arnold

"Please feel free to browse."

Voter impatience.

Replica Football Merchandise

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

Ball and Chain

'We're still crazy then ...'

'I want someone who'll not just take the firms line, but the hook and sinker, too.'

'Kaplan, you've been traded. ...Sorry about the tattoos.'

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

"And THEN, and THIS is the CLEVER bit...We put our advertising logo on the front of all our clothing and make people PAY for the privilege."

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'

'When did you first become a Fruit-of-the-Loom guys groupie?'

"Are you a platinum card member?"

"Will that be all, sir?"

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

'Let's not let some silly carpet come between us being best friends, Carl...'

'Don't bother showing me your tattoo of the company logo... you're still fired.'

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

The Republican Machine

'That's what I like about him, he always pays his round.'