Club Loyalist Pillows

"I won an award from my club! I'm the only member who doesn't owe membership dues."

'Yessir, Ben us fly fisherman answer to a higher calling.'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"Please feel free to browse."

Voter impatience.

'We're still crazy then ...'

'I want someone who'll not just take the firms line, but the hook and sinker, too.'

Ball and Chain

Replica Football Merchandise

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Kaplan, you've been traded. ...Sorry about the tattoos.'

"And THEN, and THIS is the CLEVER bit...We put our advertising logo on the front of all our clothing and make people PAY for the privilege."

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

"Are you a platinum card member?"

'When did you first become a Fruit-of-the-Loom guys groupie?'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'

"Will that be all, sir?"

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

'Let's not let some silly carpet come between us being best friends, Carl...'

'That's what I like about him, he always pays his round.'

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

The Republican Machine

'Don't bother showing me your tattoo of the company logo... you're still fired.'

'I see you haven't paid me yet!'

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

'I just want a candidate who doesn't make me flinch.'

'I'm all for belt-tightening, darling. Trouble is I can't decide which belt - Prada or Gucci?'