Spooky Speech Writers Gifts

"First of all, I'd like to thank all of the little pumpkins who made this night possible."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Political convention

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

Tim Burton

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

"It's time to get politics out of money."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

Masters of Political Oratory