Speech Writer Gifts

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

"With great ignorance comes great confidence."

"It's a good speech - just a couple of points that need obfuscation."

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

Sally, Jim - you'll handle daily speech writing. Vince, as usual, will be in charge of attack ads.'

"He's giving the white-collar voters' speech to the blue collars."

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'Make my speech so ambiguous it doesn't matter what they take out of context!'

"What about the writers? Nobody ever blames the writers!"

"Make my speech so incomprehensible it won't matter if I'm taken out of context."

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

"I don't need you to write speeches! I need nasty nicknames to pin on my opponents."

'Nice speech, except that the term is 'trickle-down,' not 'tinkle-down.''

"Keep writing the ultra-partisan speeches. Polemics is the only thing keeping this country focused!"

Election Speech Writer

'Well written speech, guys...earnest, yet glib.'

"To finish, I would like plagiarize something quotable."

The Twelve Speech Writers

"Je ne ferai pas des promess que je poursai tenir."

"I used to write fairy tales. Then I found I could make more money doing the same thing and calling it 'political speech writing.'"

"Now that we've all had a good dose of red meat, who wants to write an attack ad??"

Even Long-Serving Politicians Need Good Assistants.

"My entire speech in bold italic caps? Love it!"

If Barack Obama had stuck to his Hawaiian roots...

"Duckworth, your resume is pure baloney. Can you start writing political campaign speeches tomorrow?"

"Doctor, your speech was certainly unabridged."

"Hype, spin control, alternative facts, fake news...I wish they'd cut the crap and call it plain 'lying'."

"For my next speech, write an applause line other than 'in conclusion.'"

"Sir, here is your speech for the shareholders' meeting..."

"Hey, guys, I need a speech in 20 minutes. Could you make these scattered thoughts and half-baked conclusions into a compelling narrative?"

"I need to put more fire into my speech."

"If you don't strike oil in the first minute then stop boring."

"At this point in the speech, he pauses for dramatic effect..."

"And now... the latest dope from Washington..."

The twelve speech writers