Speechwriter Gifts

A Born Politician

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

'Okay, you can have freedom of speech, but watch your language!'

'I'd like to push the envelope, go the extra mile, and think outside the box to facilitate a win-win solution to the over-utilization of buzzwords.'

'...and on that you have my word.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"My fellow victims. . . "

'The following speaker was scheduled to give his talk last week, but needed more time to prepare his impromptu speech.'

'Which speech should I give them,,, Bullshit 1,,, Bullshit 2,,, or Bullshit 3'

'Great speech! But let's cut your carefully reasoned conclusion and insert an uplifting sports metaphor.'

"'Ask not what the budget can do for you, ask what you can do for the budget.' They just might go for it."

"You can tell he's a great politician....he's spoken for 45 minutes now, and hasn't said a thing!"

Information...political rhetoric

Language of politics.

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

"I don't like soundbites - and you can quote me on that."

"...and to save you time, anything I say that comes back to haunt me, was something taken out of context."

"I can talk for hours without saying anything substantial in a completely incomprehensible way. That's why I'm called an expert."

"Remember, your last speech, you got 15,000 tweets per minute to shut up...."

Man with Never-Ending Speech

"I think this unparliamentary language all started with the oath of allegiance!"

Not in this lifetime: 'the truth is...'

'"Great speech! Full of vitriol, but gleeful vitriol."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"O.K., but change 'Her tawny body glistened beneath the azure sky' to 'National problems demand national solutions.' "

"Before I begin, I should warn you that in my quest for truth and my relentless war against corruption I will now and then split an infinitive and end an occasional sentence with a preposition."

'Are you supporting Obama's position, or were you just lip-syncing?'

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

'He has no self-confidence. He has one writer working on a victory speech and four writers working on a concession speech.'

'Of course you may have heard these campaign promises before...because I practice campaign promise recycling!'

'This is where the seasoned candidate strategically pauses for effect.'