Speechwriter Humor Gifts

Man with speech bubble coming from his bottom

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Information...political rhetoric

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'

"The White House Washington"

Masters of Political Oratory

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'...and on that you have my word.'

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

"...and to save you time, anything I say that comes back to haunt me, was something taken out of context."

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

'He's still addressing the nation.'

New Mandate - Gun Control, Immigration Reform, Jobs, End of War, and Health Reform.

Victory speech.

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'