Humor Writer Gifts

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"Pssst!..Your zipper is undone"

'You're going to meet a tall dark stranger.'

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"What a great class. I got an 'A' in forwarding e-mail jokes."

Zombie standup

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Puss in cement boots"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Kultural K9's.

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

America's funniest election gaffes

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.