Humor Writer Pillows

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"Pssst!..Your zipper is undone"

'You're going to meet a tall dark stranger.'

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"What a great class. I got an 'A' in forwarding e-mail jokes."

Zombie standup

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Puss in cement boots"

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Kultural K9's.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Earl suspends his disbelief.

America's funniest election gaffes

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver