Writing Humor Pillows

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

"I'll have dessert first."

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

Hell's Schlegel

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"The parrot you sold me will only through his lawyer!"