Writing Humor Pillows

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Apricots

"I'll have dessert first."

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Mister Oedipus.

Jump-Rope Rhymes For Adults

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"Frankenstein? Isn't the story of a being made from the parts of others a little far-fetched?" "I find it very believable."

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

Hell's Schlegel

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"The parrot you sold me will only through his lawyer!"