Spiritual Scoreboarder Gifts

Man on death bed, hand in clouds through window like umpires, 'The final out'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Golfing Bishop.

At the 2021 Religious Games

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"Do you have an appointment?"

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Show off."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

Pessimists v Optimists.

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'If you can't control your temper,sister,you shouldn't be playing this game!'

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Peace on...peace on...good heavens! Where are we?!'

Sammi and her 'partner' decide to have their child baptized at a Suuuuper-inclusive church

"The meaning of life at a glance"

'Well, you know what they say about opposite's attracting...'