Scoreboard Philosopher Gifts

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"Why is our company always at the back of the wagon train?"

Boring Board Meeting

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Life isn't fair, and that's what makes it fun."

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

'But APART from increased profitability, better customer support, enhanced margins, reduced stress and improved staff morale WHAT is the POINT of all this emphasis on increased PRODUCTIVITY?'

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

"I'll grip but I won't grin."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

"It's Friday afternoon. Let's just call our problems opportunities and leave them for next week."

I will not waste chalk kid...

'So far, the only dreams I've achieved have been nightmares.'